EU, EU, It’s off to work we go

Last week, I had an exciting few days in Brussels, meeting with the European Commission with other browser vendors, technology groups, and representatives of a Big Tech Gatekeeper about the latter’s sustained and relentless malicious compliance with the Digital Markets Act, the EU’s law to make the markets in the digital sector fairer and more contestable.

I had a jolly time, and The Continent was remarkably civilised, apart from the lamentable breakfasts: predominantly “croissants” wallowing lasciviously in hot chocolate, while you’re surrounded by Marxists reading Camus, smoking Gauloises and snorting absinthe to the strains of maudlin 6/8-time accordion music.

I can’t tell you what was said in the meetings because the Commission required Chatham House rules; to recount it (even without attribution) would immediately make it clear who was talking preposterous nonsense, but it went roughly like this:

Browser Vendors: Here’s a list of policy changes and technical tweaks you could implement that would let us compete fairly.
Big Tech Gatekeeper: If we let your smelly code on our operating system, it could kill every cute baby otter in the EU.
EC: The law says you must let Browser Vendors compete fairly.
BTG: You see? Everybody hates cute baby otters except us! Why does no-one else love cute baby otters, fluffy kittens and sweet bunny rabbits? etc

We browser vendors gave it our best shot, with lots of evidence. I don’t think Big Tech Gatekeeper made their case convincingly. The EC team were highly knowledgeable about the tech issues, switched on, and (in the main) well-dressed – although I remain on alert to provide any fashion advice they need.

It’s my hope that this will result in the Commission setting out specifically what Big Tech Gatekeeper must do in order to comply (because “obey the law” hasn’t worked). Now, it’s all about EU politics, which is outside my influence (or interest, to be honest).

Here’s my name badge, and a large, but insipid, past-its-best apple that I stole from the commission, and which (for some reason) serves a momento of the trip.