2025 was a difficult year for me.
I felt I was struggling with the pits of despair and depression for most of the year. And it looks like I’m finally near the end of a long, dark tunnel that has taken several years to cross.
2025 — Family and Personal
Here are a couple of noteworthy things I’d like to highlight about the year.
Wife’s suicide state is over
Calling the suicide hotline for my wife at the beginning of the year was a rough experience. I’m glad this whole ordeal is over.
We sorted out the critical trigger that caused the entire episode somewhere in March, by helping my wife realize that I’m not her enemy (in so many words).
Right now, she’s on medications (the daily kind) to keep her emotions in check. Once, near the end of 2025, after stopping her meds without a doctor’s approval for a few days (because she fell ill and thought she shouldn’t take these meds along with antibiotics…), she blew up.
Stopping her explosion took a large toll on me. So right now I’m mentally and emotionally exhausted.
We’re both dealing with the repercussions of that incident, but it’s safe to say we’ve made huge headway a few days ago about her anger-explosive behaviour. Double fingers crossed.
Daughter seems to be fine now
My wife grabbed a knife and asked me to kill her in front of our daughter during the suicide period. She also raged a lot at my daughter for various reasons.
Just the knife incident alone has already caused a lot of damage. The other incidents made things worse. I tried to diffuse/parry these damages each time it happened, by telling my daughter that her mum needs to work on her emotions (in so many words). I can only say I did what I could.
It doesn’t look like anything bad is happening to my daughter’s psyche at the moment. So we’re safe, for now. I hope these incidents won’t affect her much in her life, though they probably would :(
I did my best. The rest is up to my daughter as she grows up.
Reflections on vulnerability and damage to my writing ability
Maybe I was foolish to write about a suicide incident. And maybe I was even more foolish by disclosing I used physical force.
Apparently, this “violence” factor triggered several people’s imaginations, so much that they had to call me out and “persuade me nicely” about my behaviour privately via email.
The “words of advice” from these individuals still hurt.
I didn’t manage to guard myself against additional negative emotions that were rained down onto me. Regardless of the reasons, I was badly affected.
- I stopped writing for a few months
- I overthink when I write
- I stopped sending newsletters
Even now, it’s still difficult for me send out newsletters.
Thankfully, I wrote for CSS Tricks later in the year. Working with Geoff Graham helped me recover some of my writing ability — and he even affirmed certain styles that I was testing out. Writing became quite simple, and sorta fun again, when working with Geoff.
Now, I’m working on my blog again — together with writing for CSS Tricks, of course — and I’m working up my courage to face everyone through here as I speak.
Boys and girls. The world is dangerous if you expose yourself too much. But funnily, that exposure can allow for room for growth at the same time. I’ve written a reflection about showing this violence publicly before, but I’ll close this whole chapter off with a third article soon.
Finally, before we leave this section, I wanna thank everyone who encouraged and supported me through this journey. You’ve given me some strength to continue moving. Thank you.
Emotional saturation
You can imagine that I was already stretched emotionally during the year…
And adding to that:
- My daughter started Primary 1. School ends around 1pm so my working days got cut in half — I brought her home everyday.
- Wife’s couldn’t control her emotions when my daughter “misbehaves”, so I dealt with that quite a bit.
- Home had turned into somewhat of a battlefield as problems could rise anytime…
It was exhausting. But I tried to force myself to work — and it made things worse — because I couldn’t bring myself to work and I blamed myself for my ineffectiveness. Boo.
Anyway, not trying to blame anyone, but noting how I really had it rough last year. I intend to do better this year.
2025 — Work Related
I’m leaving work last in this review because I couldn’t bear to face the shame I’m feeling. I’ve wanted to finish most of my projects 2 years ago, but I’m still working on them, without much progress.
But I gotta face the shame to finish this article. So here we go.
The Boring Parts
I’ve accomplished several boring, but important things over the year, including:
- Reworking the Learn JavaScript salespage
- Moving videos in Magical Dev School from Vimeo to Youtube
- Shifting my newsletter provider from Convertkit and Buttondown to Sendy.
The 1st item is important because the sales page is now aligned to how I feel about the subject, instead of trying to twist other people’s perceptions/psychology (which I find distasteful). The disgust I’ve felt about the previous page no longer hogs my mind space.
I have another page to rework — Magical Dev School’s landing page. I’m likely going to rework it later this year. Fixing both Learn JavaScript and Magical Dev School together proved to be too much for my brain last year.
The 2nd and 3rd items were important for cost reductions since I’m not making much money from the courses now. They saved a huge amount and helped me feel more at ease.
Shifting Gears
I’ve started shifting my writings — courses and articles — away from fundamental material because I think AI will saturate this market.
- Either creators will create fundamental material with AI
- Or users ask AI directly, bypassing articles and courses
With supply increasing and demand decreasing, course business based on fundamental material will no longer work.
So I’ve been shifting my content towards stuff that AI cannot produce. This often means advanced material or personal expertise.
- Unorthodox Tailwind, where I show people how I use both Tailwind and Vanilla CSS together, is an example of this kind of content.
- Stuff for Splendid Labz, which contains components that allow us to build web applications faster/easier, is another example.
That said, I haven’t been very successful in these shifts because I couldn’t bring myself to write for many reasons already stated above.
2026
My theme for 2026 is to walk my own path.
A lot of things are packed into those four words. It includes:
- trust in my choices
- stop feeling that I have to obey anyone else
- letting go of the pressure from being different, from trying to be different, and from trying to conform
- Allowing myself to follow what works for me
Tangibly, I’m not gunning for much:
- 1 article per week
- 1 newsletter per week
- Build 3 apps
Everything else is bonus.
This will likely give me sufficient space to recover, explore, and find ways that work for me.
Side Notes
I realized that a public year end review is an important ritual for me after doing it consistently for a few years then skipping it consistently for another few years.
That’s because:
- It allows me to summarize and close off much the year. This proper closure gives rise to a proper beginning of the next year.
- It lets me declare things openly — powerful because I become more objective, beat myself up less, and I’m more likely to finish what I said I’ll do.
With that, onward to 2026.
Thanks for reading.
I hope we all have a good year ahead.